I hate moving. I hate that I have to get used to another house. I can’t sleep. My head hurts and I just want to cry.
I’m trying. All I do is try but it’s never enough. I feel like every feeling I have is dismissed and people feel that I’m not entitled to them. I can try to explain it but nobody cares. I’m so sick of feeling like this. I just want you to be proud of something I do, anything. I feel like I’m going to spend my whole life trying and trying and trying to impress people and make them proud but it won’t ever be enough. I can’t handle being put down anymore, I can’t handle the stupid decisions I make, I can’t handle anything anymore. I put on this smile and say I don’t give a fuck about anything, but I do, and it sucks. Everything just sucks. Wahwahwah all I ever do is complain.
moving this weekend for the ninth time.
my mom is already crying about how much she hates the new house and we haven’t even moved yet.
nothing is ever enough.
I can understand that you’re upset about me leaving for school and not spending much time at home until then, but you need to learn where I’m coming from. First of all, it really really sucks that anytime money or jobs or anything of the sort is brought up, I’m lectured about how I need another job and as soon as I get to school I need another job IMMEDIATELY. I know I do, I hate working one day a week and not having money, but YOU TOLD ME TO QUIT RADIOSHACK. You convinced me that working there was not worth it, then I quit, find another job and it’s still not enough? Why is it that I’m nineteen years old, a college student, and working but it’s not enough for you? Yet your 21 year old daughter with her four year old kid can live here being ENTIRELY supported in every way shape and form with no job and no schooling? How the FUCK is that fair? It’s not. Second of all, you need to realize that my best friend in the entire world is moving to ARIZONA in September. I know I’m moving first, but I’m moving a little over an hour away and I’ll be home every other weekend for work. My best friend is going to be thousands upon thousands of miles away from me, who even knows when I’ll get to see her, so obviously I want to spend as much time with her as possible. Third of all, all you ever do is criticize me, telling me how disgustingly skinny I am and how I look like I’m dying and I look like I don’t eat… blahblahblah… well it fucking sucks. I’m really glad you think I’m nasty, thanks, really boosts my self-esteem.
I could rant forever about how much I hate everything right now. I feel like I fuck up every good opportunity in my life. I just can’t wait to go to school and meet new people who know NOTHING about me. I want to leave behind all my mistakes and have a new start.
But I hope you know, you weren’t a mistake and I did mean everything I said to you.
I don’t want to deal with it.
It’s funny how just yesterday I was saying how much I wish you’d just text me and tell me you miss me because it would prove that I had actually meant something to you and now you’re texting me telling me how much you miss me and think about me everyday. I think it would have been better if you hadnt texted me because then I wouldnt be sitting here crying right now.
Boots and boys….THEY DO BRING ME SO MUCH JOY
yes brittany! I say this ALLLL the time. I think we’re soul sisters <3
why am I never entitled to feelings? Anytime i get upset about anything people always fucking yell at me for it. sorry, didnt know i wasnt human and wasnt entitled to feelings, my bad.