I’m sick of crying and wishing every fucking day that I could leave sooner.
I never did get to say what I wanted to say because I was completely blown off. I should be used to this feeling by now.
I think I’m finally gonna say what I need to say.
I have a terrible feeling about this.
I feel like I’ll never know what it’s like to be anyone’s priority. I’m only ever an option. I wish I could take all the advice that I was given and learn how to be strong, but I can’t.
First beach day of the summer was today. It was such a relief to just lay in the sun, without my phone, away from everything, listening to the ocean. Too bad I got a sunburn, hopefully it’ll turn into a tan like always.
I thought I was getting over being sick, but I feel like I’m getting sick all over again. I feel so nauseous. This sucks.
I can’t stop listening to Kate Nash. Not that that’s something new or anything.
I had to call Montserrat today to figure out financial aid and when I’d find out who my roommates are. I find out in July, I’m very excited and very nervous. I’m getting much more excited though because I can’t wait to leave. And while I hate a lot of people, I’ve become very friendly and I have been wanting to meet new people and hang out with people that I don’t normally. I’m really excited to leave. I know I say this all the time, but I really just cannot wait.
You know, sometimes I really fucking hate you for making me think that every single person I meet is going to be like you. I’m so petrified of anyone ever treating me like you did. I don’t ever want to feel like that again. Ever.
It’s getting really annoying how little people seem to be there for me. I’m not saying everyone, because I know I have people who are there for me. But it sucks when the people I really need can’t seem to be bothered by me.
I just want to be worth someone’s time and effort. I feel like no matter what I will never be good enough for anyone. I know I may be being a little dramatic, I’m just really upset right now.Fuck.