My hips are horribly bruised literally from laying on a carpeted floor playing card games for a little while. I need to do something about this anemia, too bad I hate 95% of the foods that contain iron.
I have like three papers to write for psych class tonight and I have no motivation to do them at all, I’d rather paint my nails and do finish my art project that isn’t due ‘til next week. Why did I take a pysch class… for fun?
Day 16- If the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do with your remaining time on earth?
I would spend it all with the people I care most about. I feel like there’s probably a good amount of other things I’d like to do, but I don’t think I could accomplish everything in just one day.
Day 17- What do you want to be when you’re older?
I have pretty big dreams. I want to be a fashion photographer more than anything else. I know it’s pretty unrealistic, but I feel that I am determined enough to at least make it somewhere close what I want. I would kill to work in the fashion industry. Being a model would be sweet too.
Day 18- Name the tv show you have become addicted to:
I’m addicted to a lot of tv shows. My mom and I DVR tons of shows and watch them together. Pretty Little Liars, The Bad Girls Club, America’s Next Top Model, Real World, Kardashians/ Kim and Kourtney Take New York/etc, Project Runway, Holly’s World, All About Aubrey, 90210, and tons more I’m sure.
I know you're absolutely right with that, but I just wished it would be faster. And what scares me even more is that I know I'm always going to have feelings for him and he's always going to be a part of me, and I don't want that. I don't want to end up comparing every guy that comes in my life to him because I know it's going to ruin my chances with them, but I know I'm going to end up doing that.
Unfortunately you can’t speed up the process :( if I knew a trick to help you out with that I would tell ya! It is hard, you’ll always have feelings for the person you loved and you probably will compare other guys to him, but then you’ll find someone who you compare and realize he’s even more than your ex ever could have been.
That's the thing though. His Facebook is gone, his number is gone, everything that has to do with him is gone and it's still hard on me. I have tried to distract myself and it usually works but only when I'm around other people. If I'm by myself it's such torture and I end up crying hysterically. I haven't stopped since the day we broke up and it's getting so ridiculous. I've honestly lost all my motivation and I don't know how to get it back. It's just hard to realize that everything I've said to him I meant and he probably didn't even mean one thing he said to me. I just don't get how someone can tell you they love you and are 'in love' with you one minute and completely forget you the next.
Honestly that’s EXACTLY how I was. I’d be miserable when I was alone and I’d cry nonstop and I believed the same things. Relationships are rough and breakups are even worse, but you gotta realize, you’re young and seem like such a terrific girl, you’ll find someone who is worth every moment of your time and he’ll be worth every moment of yours. I know it’s hard to believe, but you just gotta do everything you can to stay strong. You have your friends and family who love you, and they’ll be there when guys let you down. It’s all easier said than done and it does take time, but I PROMISE you, things will get better!
I'm sorry for bothering you, but I honestly don't know who else I can talk to about this. I just... I have so much emotions that keep piling on me and I really don't know what else to do. I want to get over my ex, but it's impossible for me to right now. The part that upsets me the most is that I'm 99% sure that he's completely over me. The last time I talked to him, which was about a week or two ago, he told me he wasn't over it. I just really don't know how else to handle this. It's too much and I'm starting to break, or well I actually already am. I'm on the verge of calling him and just talking to him about this, but I know I'm going to cry and I can't do that. I want to send him a message too, but that really doesn't have a great effect because of the fact he's hiding his emotions behind a screen. I really don't know what else to do. I'm sorry for this long vent, but I feel like you're the only person who knows what I'm feeling/ am going through
Don’t worry about it, I meant it when I said if you needed someone to talk to, I’d be here! I know it may seem absolutely impossible, but you have got to do your best to not talk to him, you’ve got to do other things that make you happy. Keep yourself distracted. I was with my ex for about a year and a half on and off. The first time we broke up, he told me he still loved me everyday and I talked to him everyday still, even though he had a new girlfriend less than a week after breaking up. We ended up getting back together and trying to work things out and the same things happened again. I broke up with him that time and then begged for him back, but he wouldn’t hear it. I decided to delete his number, delete his facebook, unfollow his tumblr. I won’t lie, it was hard as hell, but it will make you feel better. When I cut him out of my life it was so hard at first, we didn’t talk from May until January of this year. My friends helped me more than I ever could have helped myself, they always made sure to keep my mind off of him. When we talked again, it made things SO hard. He wanted to get back together and I thought I did too, but I knew I couldn’t trust him. If things go horribly wrong once, then twice, guaranteed they would have again. It hurt, but now we’re not talking again and I feel so much stronger. I know this all seems impossible, but you’ve just got to be strong, keep your pretty little head up<3
I got into Montserrat! They also awarded me $5,000 a year for my academic and creative achievements. I leave August 27th. I know Beverly isn’t far, but it’s far enough for me for now. I’m so excited. I was so worried about what I was going to do if I didn’t get in that I seriously convinced myself that there was no way they’d accept me. I couldn’t be happier.
I am scared though that my anxiety is going to ruin a lot of things for me there and I’m scared it’s going to control my life. I’m trying to get it under control before I go because I honestly want to make this the best time of my life. I know it’s going to be a lot of hard work and responsibility but I am just so pumped to get out of my house and do what I want, when I want.
Day 10- If you could live off of one food and one beverage for the rest of your life what would they be?:
Well the beverage would definitely be coffee, because I get migraines without the caffeine. And for the food… this is hard, I want to say fried chicken and waffles but I just love cookies so much hahaha.
Day 11- What is your favorite quote?:
Does “fight off your demons” count?
Day 12- Screenshot your desktop:
Day 13- Three confession of your choice:
I am developing feelings (again) for someone that I feel like I shouldn’t and it scares and worries me and makes me super happy at the same time.
I have finally decided to stop making effort with people who don’t make any with me. I’m leaving in the fall and I don’t want to have to deal with shit I don’t need to or people that aren’t going to matter or talk to me when I leave.
I’m scared my anxiety is going to control the rest of my life.
Day 6- What band or musician is most important to you?:
What a silly question. Definitely Brand New. I’ve been obsessed with them for years now. I think they are absolutely brilliant and Jesse Lacey write the most amazing lyrics I’ve ever heard. I can honestly say that their music has gotten me through some of the worst times in my life. I can relate a moment in my life to literally every song of theirs. I love them so much and always will. I even have “Fight Off Your Demons” tattooed on my ribs.
Day 7- Do you read? What are your favorite books?:
I wish I read more than I do, I used to a lot. Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland is definitely a favorite. I’ve always loved all books by Sarah Dessen, but now I’m a few behind. I also used to love The Pigman, Catcher in the Rye, The Giver, Night, Go Ask Alice, and many more. The next book I plan on reading is The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I’ve been dying to read it.
Day 8- Three things you want to say to three different people:
These things always get me in trouble, but….
I seriously hate you and I could write on and on about what a selfish bitch I think you are, but I’ve said it all to you before, and you’ll just cry about it anyway and get everyone pissed off at me for it.
It’s kind of unfortunate how things will always turn out with us. I’m glad to know that no matter what we’ll always be best friends, but I feel like I’ll always wonder what could/could have been. You’re probably gonna see this and I’m gonna feel so awkward because I guarantee you’ll say something about it haha.
You’re honestly my best friend and I don’t have any idea what I would do without you. I know I’ve apologized many times for all the things I did to you in the past but you’ll never know how truly sorry I am. I am the luckiest person ever that you forgave me because I honestly don’t have any idea what I would do without you. You’re seriously my rock and have gotten me through so much that I know I couldn’t have without you. You are one of the strongest and most beautiful people I know. You deserve the world. I can’t wait for the day that you start living your life for yourself 100%. You don’t deserve all the shit people give you because you literally ALWAYS put everyone before yourself and you never get the credit due for it. I swear I will be here for you until the day I die and I’m so happy to know that you’d do the same. I love you best friend<3.
Day 9- Pet peeves:
this could go on forever.
chewing with your mouth open
using the wrong homonym
when people don’t listen
people who think they know everything and are never wrong
people who can’t admit when they’re wrong
people who think they’re better than everyone else