Fight Off Your Demons

Last time I checked, I was eighteen years old… and last I knew, at the age, you know when you’re hungry or not.  Stop fucking forcing me to eat all the time.  I’m a big girl, I know when I’m hungry and want to eat, get off my fucking case.

I have a two to four page paper due tomorrow at noon.

Three worksheets to do and a discussion topic…

yet here I am… not doing it.

I need to get my shit together.  I keep saying that I’ll straighten out my priorities and I’ll manage my time and I’ll do my work when I get it… yet here I am.  I want to go to Montserrat so bad, I want to transfer after after a semester, but that’s not going to happen.  I procrastinate on my work, I’m dropping a class because I’m too dumb …. or maybe lazy.  I don’t know.  I’m so aggravated. Wah.

So much on my mind, I can’t think straight… I need to do this paper.  It should be easy, it’s all about me and what I want to due in life and what influenced me to get there, yet I have no motivation to sit there and write personal things to some lady I don’t know.  Why do all my fucking classes ask for personal things?  I don’t want to open up to anbody, let alone a stranger.  I’m just being bitchy and whiney… as fucking always.

On a brighter note, I have wonderful new hair. cool.

Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight
Looking kind of anxious in your cross armed stance
Like a bad tempered prom queen at a homecoming dance
And I claim I’m not excited with my life any more
So I blame this town, this job, these friends
The truth is it’s myself
And I’m trying to understand myself
and pinpoint where i am
When I finally get it figured out
I’ve change the whole damn plan
Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight
Talking shit about a pretty sunset
Blanketing opinions that I’ll probably regret soon
I’ve changed my mind so much I cant even trust it
My mind changed me so much I cant even trust myself

So overwhelmed.  I need to get off my lazy ass and do something.  I just applied for many jobs online, I’m sure I won’t get any of them and I’ll have to listen to my dad bitch at me daily about how I don’t have a job and listen to my mom tell me how I’m becoming like my sister.  I’m losing my mind.  Fuck I have a headache.  I have so much to do.  Why am I not doing any of it? I’m stressed.  All I want to do is sit in bed, snuggle, watch 500 Days of Summer, and eat ben and jerry’s half baked.

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I’m making the most.
The day’s get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it’s not surprising but it’s spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven’t got anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I’m caught in an undertow?

fuckyeahladygaga:

Someone I don’t know adds me on Facebook:

Someone I don’t know follows me on Tumblr:

Someone writes on my Facebook wall:

Someone writes in my Tumblr ask box:

Lose a friend on Facebook:

Lose a follower on Tumblr:

Error on Facebook:

Error on Tumblr:

Always have my guard up and having it broken down is such a scary thought.  

I’m seriously so dumb sometimes.   I’m aggravating myself, and probably half the people around me.

I spend entirely too much time trying to pick apart and analyze everything people say to me.  I should stop and just take things for what they are, but when is anything ever what it seems?