Green eyed monster
July 2010
55 posts
June 2010
66 posts
I feel like I’m wasting my time. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.
Understand, if you're cold I'll keep you warm and besides...
There’s so much beauty in a storm.
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
I can’t think of one specific person that I could write this about. I can and will admit though that I do judge people by their first impression. Often times their first impressions are so far off from what they actually are. I’ve met a lot of people that I absolutely could not stand upon first meeting them, but after getting to know them, I quite enjoyed their company. I try to not be so quick to judge, but it’s habit and I’m pretty sure most people do it whether they admit to it or not. First impressions aren’t everything and that’s hard to realize. Even if you know that, you’ll still judge people based upon first meeting them.
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
It’s funny the way things turn out; how you always end up being someone you swore you’d never be.
I’m so afraid of everything and nothing all at once.
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
I always have a lot of people on my mind at once, good and bad. I have a lot of people I care about and there’s always so much going on for me to think about, so I really don’t know if there is just one person I could write about.
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
I’ve already written so much about you. There isn’t too much more I could say. It sucks that things ended the way they did, I lost my boyfriend and my best friend and it wasn’t on good terms in any means. I wish that things could have been different and I wish that I didn’t let everything that happened throughout our relationship to take such a toll on me. It completely destroyed my faith and my trust in people. I already had issues with those things before and you just proved to me that everyone’s the same. You made me petrified of even remotely feeling anything for anyone. I never want to let anyone have that much power over me ever again. I will never put my all into a person. I will never depend on anyone. I will never let myself change the way I changed myself when I was with you. I don’t hate you and I guess I’m no longer bitter (well maybe a little bit). I do hope you’re happy now because I know that I could never make you happy no matter how hard I tried. I hope you’re doing well and have your head on straight.
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
This scares me. I don’t want this to happen.
we are tired, we should have known from the start that this wouldn't last
You came back and you brought floods
Wearing a necklace made of hearts that you’d dragged through the mud
And I guess I wasn’t quite sure what to say to you
But then I saw mine, almost reached out to grab it
Said, darling, you’re the only one on earth I want to have it
But now I’m not so sure that was true
After the hell you put it through
But there was no sharp pain this time
Just the ghost of your presence compressing my chest like a vine
An unshakable absence
Like most of my insides crawled out of my mouth and went west
But that’s fine
We cast our hearts in plaster
We imagined our bodies were fashioned of stone
But they chipped at the brick and mortar
We found out that we’re only layers of skin hiding bones
And our bones are like chains, old and rusted in the rain
They’re going to snap when the weight shifts
always behind
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
I guess I should have saved that last one for this one, so I guess I don’t really have anything to say now except I miss you.
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Papa, I wish you didn’t end up the way you did. Your own grandfather isn’t supposed to walk out of your life. You weren’t supposed to walk out of your daughter’s life, but just because you two had an argument didn’t mean you had to leave me and my sister. We didn’t do anything, we were five and seven, we were innocent children. You were a huge part of our lives. We spent almost every day with you. When you walked out of our lives we were too young to understand what was going on. I don’t think you realize how much it affected us. Because of you my sister quickly learned to never let anyone in and to never let anyone know if they hurt her, if you fucked with her she learned to cut you out with no remorse whatsoever, but I know that inside it kills her. You made me develop terrible trust issues and they’ve only gotten worse over the years, I’m petrified to let anyone in and give them the ability to walk out like you did. I showed up on your doorstep a few years ago and you didn’t even know who I was, when you realized you invited me in and didn’t even let me say all of what I needed to say because you didn’t like that I was crying, it made things “awkward.” Well how dare you not listen to how much you hurt my family and I. When I left you told me that I could come by any time I wanted, but I feel like you were just saying it out of politeness. As much as I miss you, I will never let you back in. I got my closure, but it does still sometimes hurt.
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
I don’t even know where to start with this one. There is so much that I wish I could be. I’m not at all what I would like to be. First off, I would to be more motivated. I have incredibly ridiculous dreams that I am determined to accomplish, but I am afraid that I am too lazy and unmotivated to achieve them and it petrifies me. I want to do so much with my life but I have always lacked the motivation to it. I could have been so much more in high school had I applied myself and that will always be a huge regret of mine. I could have actually gotten into the school I wanted to go to had I not been so lazy. Secondly, I wouldn’t let people walk all over me anymore. I take so much bullshit from people because I don’t want to cause conflict with the people that I care about. I’m so afraid of losing people to petty shit that I let people treat me like absolute crap. I care more about making everyone else happy that I don’t often think about myself. I’ve allowed so many people to do terrible things to me and just get away with it because I thought it would be worth not having to lose them, I need to realize that people like that are not worth my time. Fight off your demons; I got it tattooed on me for a reason. Thirdly, I would be happy with myself. I want so badly to just be okay with the person that I am. I want to be happy and confident at all times. I don’t want to live with all of these regrets. I don’t know how people can honestly say that they don’t regret anything because I have so many things that I regret. Especially lately. I feel like I could go on with this forever, but I will just end it here.
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
I hate having to rely on other people. I hate having to sit and wait around on everyone. I hate being impatient. I hate that my parents think I don’t eat. I hate knowing so many fucking selfish people. I hate having anxiety. I hate being this fucking pissed off.
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
I miss a lot of people right now, but someone in particular. We were really close for years and then something happened to make us not so close anymore. I completely detached myself from you, but I don’t think you ever really noticed for whatever reason. Probably because you just assumed it was because I had a boyfriend or you were too drunk and stoned to notice, whatever. But then we became close again and went on walks almost daily just like we used to. Once again I could bitch and complain to you about whatever was bothering me and even though you usually did have much to say that was really helpful, you’d listen and make me laugh and get me out of that mood. I didn’t think into it too much because I knew thinking of it as anything more than best friends was extremely pointless. You were moving and we started hanging out more and you spent your last couple days with me which meant a lot to me because I was so happy we got so close again, I missed having you around. But things always work like that, you get close to someone and they leave. I miss our walks and talks so much, it sucks that whenever I want to bitch I don’t have you right down the street to listen. You telling me that you had feelings for me when you came back to visit made things so much harder. I miss you a shit ton, I just miss you being my best friend. I wish you didn’t move so far.
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
I hate being ignored.
" And I still feel you everywhere...
…You told me this has always been worth living, but what’s really worth living anymore?”
When I’m out with my friends I feel fine, but the second I come home and sit here by myself I get so depressed. I don’t know why because it’s not like things are bad right now. Maybe I’ve been making some bad decisions, but in general things are alright. I’m afraid to focus on things for too long. I’m afraid to let my mind wander because I know exactly where it plans on taking me. I don’t know why it still happens occasionally. Nothing makes sense anymore. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t even know who myself is. Every time I think I know I do something to prove that I really don’t have the slightest idea. I say I don’t care about anything anymore, but the truth is: I care so fucking much. Every action I make eats me alive when I’m alone. I just hate this feeling, the feeling of completely alone no matter how many people you’re surrounded by. I wish I could explain all of this better but I can’t, I don’t know how to say things… and the things I do know how to say are things people don’t need to know. I have no idea what’s going on anymore. When are things going to start to make sense?
I think I'm a few days behind.
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Honestly I can’t think of anyone I did wrong to that hasn’t forgiven me. Or maybe if I have and they haven’t forgiven me it doesn’t matter so much. I don’t know. This whole thing is way more difficult than I thought it would be haha. I always think I know exactly who I’m going to write about and what I’m going to say, but then I have no idea. I guess I kind of can think of someone. We used to be great friends, we always had fun, we never fought and you were there for me honestly WHENEVER I needed you. You stopped being friends with me because I am friends with someone you don’t like. I didn’t try to make you friends with her or bring her around you so I guess I don’t understand why it matters. It makes me feel like our friendship meant nothing to you. I would like to say that I wish you could forgive me, but as far as I’m concerned, I didn’t do anything. I just wish we were still friends.
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Bianca Fantoni, I wish I saw you more than I do. You’re such an amazing and wonderful person and I absolutely love you. I feel like now that Dylan and I have broken up we’ve drifted a bit. I know that if I needed you, you’d be here and I appreciate that so much. Just because we don’t talk or see each other much anymore doesn’t mean that you aren’t a great friend of mine. I hope we hang out soon because I miss you so much. I always have so much fun with you and some of the best conversations. <3
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
