Fight Off Your Demons

I feel like I should have all these resolutions and I can’t really think of any. I guess the only one I can really come up with is to stop letting people treat me like shit and walk all over me. I need to stand up for myself and not let my friends blow me off, steal my things, and just not care in general. I don’t need people like that in my life and it’s about time I start getting rid of them. I’ve started to do this, but I always keep my mouth shut when I should be saying things to stick up for myself. This isn’t even a good resolution.

…you had me at hello.

Christmas was wonderful. I got the new blackberry curve, a nikon d3000, a couple little hello kitty things, a couple gift cards, a black leather jacket, and a few other things. I didn’t get much because my camera and phone costed a ton, but I am PERFECTLY FINE with that haha. I am so incredibly grateful for what I got! I am IN LOVE with my camera, it is amazing, I’m still learning a lot about using a DSLR, but it came with a really good book to teach me how to use it :). I was also really happy that Dylan spent the day with me and my family. My Memere and Pepere, aunts, and cousins all loved him and he liked them as well. It made me so happy to have all the people I care about with me for Christmas. It was a great day. :)

I also got to see me beautiful niece, who I don’t see enough anymore :(

… Or maybe I’m just being paranoid

Is it really so hard to not lie to me? I don’t care how big or how small the lie, just don’t fucking lie to me.

I’ve come to realize lately how many of my old friends I’ve lost, and how everyone hates me and it’s constantly being rubbed in my face. It’s breaking me down. I used to have so many friends and something to do every day and every night. Now if I’m not with Dylan, I have almost nothing to do. And it really, really hurts when your own boyfriend says to you “it seems that not too many people like you,” even after you cry to him all the time that you lost everyone you once cared about. I know he didn’t mean it to be an asshole, he was just stating the truth, but god damn, am I that bad of a person? I like to think of myself as someone who tries to make their friends happy, and be there for everyone needs me, but how am I supposed to do that when no one needs anymore? It hurts.

I’m so excited for Christmas :). But I need something cool to do for new years eve. I wish someone was having a classy dress-up party haha.

Finally said what I needed to say. Don’t cross me.

I get so mad and jealous so easily. I try to keep it in but then I just get more pissed. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust other people. I know you understand but sometimes I’m so scared that you’ll get sick of me and what a bitch I am and that’s the scariest thought that’s ever crossed through my mind. But we’re good and we’re in love and I know nothing will come between us. We fight and argue but at the end of the day we’re always there for each other and always making each other laugh. You make me feel the safest I ever have in my life, you make everything okay, no matter what’s wrong with me. You wrap your arms around me and I melt because you’re everything I could ever want in a person. I can’t wait to spend Christmas with you and get your gifts and give them to you. I want everything to be perfect.

Today was Mrs. Riley’s funeral. It was so much more difficult than I had expected. Funerals are obviously hard to deal with, but I’ve been holding myself together pretty well. Today I lost it, I balled my eyes out like crazy, but it felt good to get it all out.  Christmas won’t be the same without Mrs. Riley, my aunt always has a Christmas party and Mrs. Riley is always the life of it, but I’m glad she isn’t suffering anymore. I love her so much and I’m going to miss her like crazy<3.

You are the worst human being I have ever met in my life and there are so many fucking things I would love to say to you, as would many, many other people. You are fucking scum. You replace every single one of your “best friends.” You competely forget about the people that fucking stood up for you day in and day out, the people who were always fucking there for you when you needed them, even though you never care about anyone but yourself. You don’t give a shit about how anyone feels, you always try to “one-up” their problems, because you think your life is so much worse. You need every ounce of attention on you 24/7. You go after your “best friends” guys, not because you like them, but just because you feel that you need to prove that you’re hotter, well guess what… you’re not, you’re gross and guys only like you for your tits and because you make yourself seem like a huge slut, but you’re not, SO WHY MAKE PEOPLE THINK THAT? No one fucking likes you, 85% of your “friends” talk shit about you, no one can fucking stand you. You’ll get what’s coming to you, I can’t wait until everyone figures you out, you’re a piece of shit.

Sorry, these are all things I would love to say to someone, but for once in my life I haven’t, because she’s not even worth the fight that she would cause and get all her friends involved in. You’re all pieces of shit, and stop talking shit about me and saying I’m jealous, you know nothing, you fake bitches.

How many songs total: 1,820
How many hours or days of music: 4.7 days

Sort By Song Title
First Song: 505 - as tall as lions
Last Song: The Youth - mgmt

Sort By Time
Shortest Song: Millstone- Brand New 00:15, apparently that song got cut off haha
Longest Song:Tereza and Tomas - Bright Eyes 25:44

Sort By Album

First Album: [A—> B] Life - MeWithoutYou

Last Album: Zolof the Rock and Roll Destroyer - Anthony Green


Top Five Most Played Songs
1. Three Cheers for Five Years - Mayday Parade
2. The No Seatbelt Song - Brand New
3. Stall Your Dreams - Tysen

4. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New
5. Play Crack The Sky - Brand New

I’m surprised they’re not all brand new.

First Song That Comes Up On Shuffle: Boys Don’t Cry - The Cure

Search The Following & State How Many Songs Come Up:

Death - 30, weird

Life - 49
Love - 81
Hate - 8
You - 312

Sex - 4

My god mother’s (my mom’s best friend since high school) mom had to go to the hospital yesterday because she wasn’t breathing well and she was no longer responsive. Today we went to go see her, possibly to say goodbye. Mrs. Riley is an amazing, kind, loving woman and has always been an amazing person in my life, like a grandmother. She’s been sick and in and out of the hospital for four year now, she always has a miracle and comes back from what doctors say “doesn’t look good.” This is time it really isn’t look good. She’s completely unresponsive and barely breathing on her own. I’m praying for a miracle, and I never pray. Christmas won’t be the same without her. I love you, stay strong, Mrs. Riley.

I went to an open house at Monserrat today and I aboslutely LOVED it there. Classes are small and intimate and the people seem great, not to mention, I know quite a few people or go there. I was scared of going that far (not that an hour and a half is very far) but now I’m excited. I’m going to be crushed if I don’t get in, but I had a portfolio review and the woman loved what I have so far, and that’s pretty much all they look at is your portfolio, so I’m hoping for the best.